SILENCE IS BETTER THAN UNNECESSARY DRAMA

It hurts. thinking, and I mean truly thinking you have moved on from a person. And you are thinking about them right now. Being able to actually go on with your day and finally smile without forcing it and it could be to months from now or in a few minutes or two years. But you see that person and you make eye contact for no even a second and it all rushes back. The tear, the laughs, the heartbreak, the broken promises, the I miss you's. Especially the I miss you's. And your heart stops. That, is truly one of the worst feeling in the world.

Sometimes when I look at you, and you're looking back at me, I can see something. This teeny-tiny hint of something more, something you're feeling but you can't say. When our eyes meet, it's like we're instantly connected. And I know no one catches it but me and you, but I like it that way. It's like our own little secret, a place we go when everything around us is crazy and we just need some semblance of normal. Your eyes are gorgeous. There are times when I want nothing more than to look in you in the eyes, cause it's when we're looking at each other in silence that we end up saying the most. 

Today was the day that I found out you had met someone else. Breathing started to get a little bit harder and my vision became slightly clouded as tears started to well up in my eyes. But swallowing bile, blood, and a feeling I can't really name I smiled and said that I was happy for you. That of course wasn't a lie, I'm happy that you're happy but it just kills me that you couldn't be happy with me because I tried, I tried so hard to make it work but in the end you knew what you wanted and it wasn't me, it was her.

And you know what the saddest thing is? If he asked me to, I would be there. I would give everything. I would love him all over again and get my heart shattered exactly like I did before. Because that's just how much I loved him. 

Today I read our old messages. I gave a slight smile as the tears rolled down my cheeks. All that ever was, all that we ever were was now just a distant memory. All I had left of you was exactly this. And as sad as is to think back I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

It has been years and there are still people who keep on asking about us. They ask me if we're still friends, they ask me how we've been and ask me if we still talk about things. I don't know but whenever someone tries to bring up the past, whenever someone tries to throwback what's done, my heart aches like you weren't gone. Guess that's how a heartbreak is supposed to be. You'll endlessly feel its entirety, the one that keeps on coming back with the intention of hurting you with the same feeling of misery. And no matter how much I avoid from its endless twinge, the pain will always come back just to hurt me again. It will come back to me as destruction, it will always come back to me like the storm.

Hello,  What I'm gonna post on this blog is based on my experiences from the past 2 years. It's about a boy who I could never forget. So, enjoy!